Article I wrote for my MA… It’s ‘immersion’ journalism

What would Margaret Thatcher do? It’s not the most common of dietary aphorisms but for the past two weeks it has been mine. I have lived, breathed and ingested the Margaret Thatcher pre-election crash diet, a regime of grapefruit, eggs, eggs, a little bit of spinach, and more eggs. Oh, and you’re occasionally allowed a steak.
The whole thing (particularly the 28-eggs-a-week part) seems like an elaborate joke: how could Thatcher’s priority before taking office be looking skinny for a photocall outside number 10? I wanted to know if it was possible to keep to at all. “It sounds like a fast” says a post-graduate student in nutrition, when I contact her before embarking on my project. My friend Rula adds to the chorus of naysayers, telling me:“I tried it and survived two minutes. It’s horrible!”
Undeterred, I begin phase one. Preparation is the key to diet success. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself on the second day ‘substituting’ a kebab for a vital ingredient . So, I clear my cupboards of cornflakes, croissants and all carb-based treats and go shopping. I stride through the aisles of the supermarket, picking up three bags of spinach, 56 eggs, 14 grapefruit, a couple of steaks and salad.
“Your blood sugar levels are going to be really low. It’s not going to be very fun,” says my nutrition expert, after I explain the specifics to her. I ask her what she thinks of anyone who would do this kind of diet: “I’d think they were an idiot” is her pithy response. Still, I felt confident. After all, Thatcher managed this diet during the last couple of weeks on the campaign trail in 1979. 5am starts. TV appearances. Kissing babies. If she could do all that on just boiled eggs, I should have no trouble getting to university and back.
The problems start, as they so often do, with beer. “NO ALCOHOL” screams Maggie’s diet sheet (well, whisky is allowed on days where meat is taken, but I’m not that kind of girl). It’s Day 4 (meatless) but I’ve got a pub quiz to go to. No problem, I think, I’ll be the sober one and maybe my team will finally win. Of course, it doesn’t end up that way. I wake up the next morning in last night’s clothes, shoes included and resolve never to drink again.
The act of not eating is not that hard. According to my calculations this diet provides 5,863 fewer calories than a woman’s recommended weekly allowance – it’s the equivalent of not eating anything for three days a week (the height of laziness). The difficulty starts when you have to do anything other than lie in bed feeling hungry. For example, preparing meals for your family that you can’t eat (torturous) or speaking to your friends.
Before I started this diet, I never realised how much my social skills depend on not being starving. Over black coffee with a friend I can’t concentrate on a word she’s saying. My vision goes blurry, and I suddenly feel angry: Why is this woman bothering me? Why is anyone bothering me? Don’t these people trying to talk with me realise I’m ravenous? I could eat a horse – no, a horse wouldn’t touch the sides – better a whale, a cow, three horses, two bars of chocolate and some cake. I make a point to talk about very little else apart from the enormity of my hunger. I’m too lethargic for real conversation, and I feel it’s a valid excuse for my inability to participate meaningfully in social interaction. All I want to do is browse the web, looking at pictures of all the food I’m not allowed to eat (a web 2.0 hunter-gatherer).
Then there’s the weight loss, or, more specifically, lack there of. I’ve only lost three pounds by Day 9. I ask my nutritionist why I’m not really thin yet: “You’re on a really low calorie diet -your body probably thinks its starving and has lowered its metabolic rate.” She might be right. But then again, maybe it’s because I’ve cheated. There was the beer on Day 4, and then another night out where I stumbled home via McDonalds and KFC. Poor diet behaviour.
By Day 11 I’m at breaking point: Hunger has stopped me from sleeping properly for the past two nights and during the day I feel too faint to stand up. I angrily ring my mother’s friend, a GP and tell her I’m dying: “You’re not dying, you’re just on an absurd diet. Thatcher was probably running on adrenaline before the election” she says, “you, on the other hand, need to eat a bit more.” Breaking the diet with cornflakes I feel a rush of euphoria. Suddenly, I’m me again, rather than a useless shell of a person who stinks of boiled eggs. Maggie wouldn’t have done it, but then again, I lack the will of the Iron Lady.